the last journal for 2024...

not gonna lie, 2024, u made me realise who i should really care more for and i realise that person is me... its been a year of being the extroverted me i always am but i think im getting more tired of being the only hype one around. i cant keep up.. i cant breath.. i dw to be the only one putting efforts anymore.

i tried to grow up , i tried to being a stronger pillar but honestly.. i m so tired of making all the adult decisions. realising im just a duplicate of my parents when i know clearly idw to become like them is really scary and its worst knowing that i know and need to change but i am not changin

father was really the money worrier, and refuses to spend on unnecessary money . and i became like him worrying abt every mth electricity bills, phone bills and all. 

mother is the even in sickness and dying but can still refuses to see a dr and get help. and i became like her, telling myself i can self cure everything by just sleeping it off. 

they are both scared to make changes in their life and found comfort in stagnant things. and now i dk how to change for the better because i learnt that it is so comfortable being just like this... 

i know mum is hurting and i always say hurtful things hoping that will wake her up and get the help she needs, but nope we both still just refuses to get help. and it really sucks because i have to be the straightfwd person they shape me into... 

they keep saying go and n be brave but honestly idk how to whenever i tried to be brave. she becomes worried and i just pulled back too because idw her to worry.

clearly hoping and desperately wishing i can be braver in 2025..

cheers to a better year ahead, hopefully i can finally close a chapter behind and try being who i wanna be instead or who i was meant to be...

xoxo

♥ Embrace the magic
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