its been a chinese yr since u passed.. been one yr since u became free... i wonder how alot, i wonder if u are watching over us from above. i know u are because im still strong, im still standing... i know u are taking care of us silently and keeping us safe from everything. 

 things are so different this year, so many adult shits i been tryna half handle cause i m still overwhelmed by it all. learning how to be ok and not ok at the same time. 

 the other day i guess someone finally took over your number, it felt so weird and sad and empty to see your name leaving the grp chat, as tho u really are leaving for real now. of course me and kim made jokes abt it because that somehow is our coping mechanism to show everyone that we are alright. but it feels kinda weird and sad to see that.

i went to bali and came back w a new tattoo, without tellling mama this time. cause i wanted to be able to make decisions without considering whad they will feel and think and guilt trip me abt.. will show a pix next time of catch it if u can but yeah...this tattoo is a faceless person because she dk who she really is yet, so she covered her face w flowers designed w her initials. no idea how mama is gonna react but im still hiding it for now,.,

also realised im always putting out ppl fire in life and kinda exhausted because nobody seems to know whad i am going thru because im a tough kid to crack. never gonna be able to learn how to let anyone in ever again, and whad am i gonnan do abt that cause i know im wearing myself out thin... but i just dk how to let ppl in anymore..

also been feeling kinda used and disappointed in alot of things and ppl because they eventually turned into smthing or someone that they said they never will.. 

lots of things ongoing but i just cant seem to pen it all down. 

till next time ;

    xoxo

♥ Embrace the magic
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