do u know how to feel when someone just become quiet suddenly?

 do u know how noisy that person used to be ?

 do u know how painful it is for them to be silent ?

 u dont because u always thought that they are ok because they always expresses themselves... but are they really ok ? nobody knows.

 someone can be your person, someone can another someone's person. and thats what hurts the most, because really i thought we are suppose to be each others' person . i broke down my walls to let them in, but honestly was that the right thing to do? should i just build another wall again? should i just leave?

 so many unspoken thoughts, no place left to express , no one really cares because everyone just thinks im fine. dark and silent thoughts that are left unexpressed can be so dangerous but who cares ...

how am i suppose to be ur best friend when i feel that i am not yours now.. whad am i suppose to do w all my random thoughts and need to tell someone when i know now that you wont tell me things? how am i suppose to be ok in drowning you w my problems when i know you wont tell me yours? 

well that really hurts and i really wanna tell u that it sucks but seems like u got alot on ur plate and who am i now to tell u that... 

and i cant tell anyone else because i feel like u told them things . and that really just sucks because you just managed to make someone feel excluded. but its alright i guess, you will feel better one day and ill just put it all away and pretend nothing hurts. 

how do u call someone ur best friend but just casually leaving that person out? oh wait u didnt, i called u my best friend. guess it was just one sided :)

it hurts when you bring someone new into the circle and casually or wtv reason leaving the old one out. because we are not blind.. we are not dumb.. we just pretend to be .. because its better than showing you how much your actions hurts someone. 

its hard ... i dont think i can do a good job in pretending this time that im fine.. because clearly i am not...  took so much time to let my defences down and allow someone in... only to end up being hurt and building my walls up again.. maybe its just a phase ? i hope it is because i cant stay sane if this goes on too long. 

not the best place to talk abt all these feelings but i really dont have anyone to confide in and i guess this digital diary is all i have now. 

how i wish it can just pass , or maybe ill just take me out of the equation.... disappearing might be for the best ? 

ok bye

♥ Embrace the magic
08:41