been struggling w y2. im not doing good, im not happy.
im actually pretty upset over myself, cause i cant focus right anymore. im losing interest in studying.
it's like this feelin you get, like wtf am i studying this for?? oh and then i remembered... i have no o-level cert. so i have to suck it up and get this diploma cert...
recently my dad has to retire early. so the burden of all the expense that will fall on me is really just too much. i can't take it. i ran out of savings. i've been trying to work more. but that isnt helping because im losing focus in school and 90% of the time im just too tired to even be awake....
common test is next week, i have two examinable modules.. lucky for me, i can cope with math still. but not ATE... and its a 5 credit unit and im trying my best just to even pass it..
i been zoning out alot, i been breaking down practically every single night. everything is just too much for me, i cant handle and i cant voice it out...
i did math till my brain went blank. it cant think straight anymore... i been at the table for two whole hrs to try ATE. but nothing is coming into my head. i cant take this anymore. i dk who i can talk to me...
you all been asking me where is my bf.. honestly, he is here. but physically and not mentally. i dont depend on him. i prefer to be independent. even tho when i cant take it anymore and all i ever wanted was just a hug from him. he is nowhere to be found. our relationship has always been complicated. the pain has hurt me so much that im becoming more numb to the whole situation. i cant do anything. i wont do anything...
im just so disappointed till the point where i dont even want to try anymore... im too tired to even do anything. i refuse to think , cause thinking hurts even more. have yall ever felt the pain so much that you can actually feel like the person you love and trust the most, is holding a knife and its stabbing you in the heart???? i feel it all the pain, the pain becomes so real life like that i dont even know whether im the problem now....
im really exhausted.
i might go crazy soon
someone please just help me
someone please just ask me if im fine..
cause i am not, and i really just need a shoulder to lean on now...
may the world and mind be at peace
goodnight
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08:37