Sunday, 6 December 2015

i finally got the chance to meet your gf. in person, at genki.. tbh, i been wanting to see her in person, I'm very curious abt her. when i saw ur friend, i knew something is gonna happen, but i never knew it will be this soon. she knew very well i work there. she knows that i have a crush on you. i feel really bad, but i really dk how to stop liking you. i can't and i won't. there is this feeling inside of me that keeps telling me that i shouldn't be afraid of it, and that i should fight for it. its like someone is telling me to fight for my own happiness and that everything will be ok even if the journey gets harder. and this is why i haven't give up and won't be giving up. i am more afraid of losing you completely then being rejected.

okay, i was kinda affected by her ytd. initially, i was very affected. it scared me when i realise i have to meet here f2f so soon. and the fact that she look at me, and said something to her friends. it really bugged me a lot. then zhen told everyone that she is ur gf.. its so .... and the fact that zhen reminded me and told me she is here.... honestly i don't have any rights to be jealous... i don't have it.. I'm not her, I'm just someone that likes you a lot. and that there is something going on between us that no one should know. i tried to hide my feelings, i didn't want anyone to know i was affected. but i guessed it kinda gave in and they all knows. its so confusing and misleading. especially when tan knows that we been chatting everyday. and the fact that everyone knows you're attached. and then there is me. people may think that I'm a bitch to be liking you and being so close to you despite the fact that you have a gf. i placed all my stakes on you , because if i have to i want to lose everything so that i can find old kitty back. not that i hate the current me, but its also a better me, but its not going to be easy to become someone better .90% of me now is because of you. you changed my life, I won't be who i am now if it wasn't for you..


im glad that when i closed my previous chapter in life. i came to this chapter, and that the main lead now is you. and that i never want this chapter to end .. but i know its gonna end some day. either the main lead leaves. or that the next chapter will still be on you. i really want to close this chapter and find you in my next chapter too. :(   i dw to say goodbye to you, its gonna hurt even more than knowing I'm a bitch  ... when kei and tan openly say that i shouldn't be so sad and that my face is quiet obvious,..  i wanted them to keep it down, cause i have no rights to be feeling that way in public... but I'm glad , that you look at me, and tried to make me laugh. maybe its just my mindset, but I'm glad you tried to make me laugh and smile still. hehe ^^  i really appreciate it all even tho, I'm a third party here and you never failed to cheer me up. if you can be happy, ill be very happy too. thank you for being there for me,, thank you for writing this chapter w me. and leaving memories w me. 2k15 won't be the same without you. now that we came to decemeber. Genki is going to close for idk how long, but i hope that nothing changes afterwards. if it does, i hope it changes for the better.  idw to close this chapter and not find you in my next chapter.

it hard to know whad you really feel , you words and texts may be lies but idky sometimes it feels so real .. thank you for getting me the snack i love. it really is heartwarming to know that, you got one specially for me, you could have just placed in there for everyone and me to share, but i got one all for myself. maybe its my childish thoughts, but I'm really happy deep inside, idk how long more this can last , but i wan this happiness to be legal . if only i can, bring you home, tell everyone abt you... you may not be the best guy on earth, you may not be rich and wealthy. my future may be very bright next time, but I'm willing to walk w you if i can. i don't mind being poor if its w you.  you are my happiness.