Sunday, 1 November 2015

I'm on the verge of breaking down. every piece of me is crashing down. i am lost. whad can i do now . i took the wrong move of liking you even more, thinking that it will be safe,,, but I'm so wrong. i shouldn't have let my feelings controlled me. i made a terrible mess for both our lives. you and i both know that she knows. but why wouldn't you tell me ? why ? everyday passes . i get more and more confused each day. all i know is that i fell in love w someone i shouldn't have and now its too late to turn back. at first i thought that it would just be me... but then i think i dragged you down w me now too.

that day,, that dream,, it seemed so real . i am scared. i don't think i will feel good too if that really happened. i am happy for you two. but at the same time, I'm jealous. i know there won't be a ' us ' but i just can't help myself... everyone is telling me i am gonna get burned badly by this fire. but i still wanted to go near to it, this fire gave me warmth and comfort. this fire was the only way of keeping me alive. but at the same time it was burning me alive.

i really really like you a lot, i can't stop myself. if i have to say goodbye, i need to leave everything behind. i need to learn how to walk away and never turn back. but i just can't. i know that I'm always waiting for that small glimmer of hope to happen. and sometime when it does, i feel comforted and at ease.  i can't say much to anyone cause it is after all my fault for being the third one . i never thought i would ended up as one even. i believe that everything happened for a reason. and fate does exist. we met for a reason, but i just don't know whad is that reason now.

i know i need to say goodbye. i know i have to, but i don't know how. i can only think of running away from the situation , but that is such a cowardly way. i don't want to be erased from your life completely too. neither will i erased you from mine. I'm grateful and thankful for every moment i ever spent w you. it was the best memories made.  you made my 2015 a wonderful and colourful year.  i will never regret the moment we spent together, i will never forget you. no matter where i am in the future or where you are. i will still be thinking about you . all the memories we created.... i wish i met you before her, if there is a next time , i will still choose you.