Sunday 29 November 2015

really thankful for this short break. you cant see us, and we can't see you.. i think we all can use this time to think stuff over... it makes me realise that you really cares abt me, which is good. because it really warms the heart. especially when I've been overthinking a lot recently. they said that midnight convos are the most honest ones, drunk people don't lie. so are you speaking whad you really felt that night ?  do you really care  ?  do you think we have a chance?  its still all these thoughts that keeps me awake at night, but its also the content that can put me to sleep. i told you, i won't ever forget anything that you say to me, but i wonder if you're speaking the truth ... you said you told me everything, but then you left her out. i know it's weird to talk abt her w me.  but I'm really curious. and scared. they all warned me, that if you can like me while dating her ... you will most probably like another girl while dating me.. but i believe that won't happen.. because from the start, i was to blame. i came in, i messed up ur perfect relationship w her. 

Wednesday 25 November 2015

i really dk whad I'm doing these days.  overthinking every now and then, really believing that he is mine. when he isn't... i can't help but think, maybe i am used to you  ? but everything is so different now.. not like when you first texted me .. honestly, I'm very confused by you. i mean you really showed me you care abt me.. you really are the person who texts me. just that idk, there is something still bothering me.. and then i realise that I'm the third party. I'm sorry i behaved this way, I'm sorry I'm acting like this.. maybe you are afraid to stop cause after all I'm a kid, maybe you dw to hurt my feelings.. idk... but back then when you first knew my feelings for you,, you tried to avoid me so much,.. why is it now that you are ok w it and the replies you give... it makes me feel like its no longer a one sided rs.    "  whad if you found your soul mate... at the wrong time ? "


你对我说过的每一句话我都会牢牢记住在心里，可是你记得吗？ 你对我说过的话... 也许你只把我当小妹妹酱看待，而我却自己在这胡思乱想。你说过如果我们没缘分，我们就不会认识到彼此，我还以为只有我会有酱的想法，没想到你也会说出这种话... 听了真的会心暖啊。。 我还记得，你以前说过，拍拖是为了了解对方，讲不定这男的可以给到她幸福呢 .... 请问冯先生，你会不会陪我？ 最近我们聊的话题...真的把我弄乱了啊，一下子说 至少还有你 ，却另一天又消失了。我真的好怕你一句不说就离开我啊，也许应该是我要离开你才对。因为我本来就不应该和你有这种感情。如果要放下你，我只会静静地消失，再也不出现在你面前。可是我看不到你，我好难过，好害怕。you may call me selfish, for not considering the gf's feelings... but i am really trying my best... i ask god for help, i ask everyone i can for help. they all tells me that i should never feel bad or guilty because ... up to this stage, it is him who chose me.

i keep telling myself, i keep reminding myself. that if it hurts too much , i have to let go. but no ... i can't . instead it just gives me more reason to pick up more courage to win this battle. it gives me headaches, but it makes me happy . they say I'm just one more step away from happiness.. and that I'm one step closer to you, but then it came so fast sometimes, idk whad I'm doing. idk whether its the  right to do or not. you keep appearin in my dreams these few weeks. you even tell me stuffs ,, which I'm glad you did. you randomly sends me an old photo of you.. xiixixi its really adorable. when you went missing this morning, I'm so scared ytd's goodbye was forever. it took me a lot of courage to actually be the one sendin a text first. cause I'm afraid you won't reply. like once , long time ago... but I'm so happy when my phone buzzed and your name appeared on the screen. you said you can't bear to ignore me.. idk how much i can trust your words. but i still choose to believe in it. this is how much you mean to me. you became my entire universe. so many better guys out there, but my heart chose you.

Labels: 我爱你

Tuesday 24 November 2015

so today, class 2 went to the museum! we got an asg due in two weeks time, and its a 10 page long asg -.-   the problem is, today, we were all too focused on takings ootds and nonsense photos, we didn't pay attention to the artefect  :(  now i have to make another trip down there :(   but nevertheless, it was a great time spent w the class ^^

Sunday 22 November 2015

this thursday, you're going home. only gonna be back one week later... idk whads going to happen.. maybe you'll think through, maybe you're gonna come back and be cold to me again .. maybe you will realise you can't let her go... maybe you won't want to be more than friends w me .. I'm really scared. scared of losing you and everything we have now. the way i put things, it may sound like you're really mine, when you are not. I'm so confused by everything. I'm losing myself. i found a new me in you. it may not be well liked by everyone else. but as long as I'm happy w you, its ok.


你这一回，我不知道会发生什么事... 我只知道我会比以前还要想你。我知道很多，可是什么也不能说。因为我怕我一说出真心话，你会不理我。我真的很害怕啊，怕失去你，怕你不要理我了。 我怕到时你对我说： 你把我话当真的啊 ... 那时的我就会。。。。  did you know 6 months ago, you unknowingly came into my mind, my heart , my soul. and now that you're apart of it, i am not willing to let you go. i know i have to back then when it just started, but i didn't and now its too late to late go.. cause idk how to anymore. you brought my heart beating faster each time i see you smile. you made my heart feel alive again. there was even a period of time, when i actually can smell you everywhere. its like your scent is lingering around me. i never felt so comfortable smelling it. honestly, i still have a lot abt you that idk.. but there are some that i know... and i know i put you in a very difficult spot, i really hate myself for that, but i can't help my feelings. it just grows stronger each time.

they say that chats at midnights are the most honest ones... I'm still really scared of sharing my feelings w you. but i wan you to know how i feel abt you... even tho its wrong of me. i can no longer control whad I'm thinking abt.. i only know that if i don't say whad i have in mind now, i might regret it forever in the future. you are the best thing ever happened to me this year. and i am really thankful for it. I'm truly blessed to have met you . you seen me barefaced. you seen my ' just wakeup ' face. I'm thankful you didn't say or judge and is willing to still be w me. cause this is how i know, you really don't mind how i look.  as the months goes past, we became closer to one another. idk if you will stay by my side forever, but i just want to cherish every moment i have w you now. the way you call my name , the way you call me.. it makes my heart beat faster each time. when i look deep into your eyes, it warms my heart to know that you are looking straight back into mine. no, I'm not afraid to look you into the eyes, cause when I'm looking at you, i found me.

there is still 4 more days before you return home. idk whad is gonna happen. i know I'm gonna miss you badly, i told you I'm going to miss you.. and you said that your heart is w me. it really brings comfort to know it, whether its a lie or not.. you say you're gonna get me my fave snack and send me photos. well i hope you keep to ur words.. cause thats the only i can know if you're real.

Saturday 14 November 2015

we are all waiting for that special someone in our life. waiting for that someone that is willing to take a bullet shot for you... do you know every single word you say to me... i take them very seriously.. idk about you tho, it may just be a joke. it may just be for the sake of saying.. it may be cause you dwanna hurt my feelings... i dk haisss.

我知道我做的这一切可能对你而言没什么大事，可是这些事我都很乐意去做。因为....我喜欢你。反正你终有一天是会回去的..倒是我又会一个人在这了，你会渐渐的忘了我.. 我真的很害怕我们连朋友都不能做啊..

你说要娶我，可是你不能啊。你真的当我傻的吗？ 明知道你是不可能和我在一起的啊，可是就是还笨笨地喜欢你。我问你 ：可以喜欢你吗？ 你说 ： 可以 ^_^   这是真的吗？ 喜欢你又这么样...你都不可能喜欢我的

I'm sorry i fell in love w you. I'm sorry i came into your life. I'm sorry i messed up your perfect life... I'm sorry i can't stop thinking so much...  the 26 of nov, you will be going back,, idk whad is gonna happen during that one week time frame.. honestly, you changed my life. I'm a person that hate smokes and smokers... but because of you, i accepted the fact that you smoke despite my dislikes for it.. I'm also happy that you actually tries to keep it under 5 cigs everyday.. i may not know you well enough.. because i know you still have stuffs that you don't and can't and will definitely not tell me.. maybe not now .. but I'm glad, that you still tell me some stuffs that nomal friends won't tell . i have no idea whad you think of me, but i know that you're well aware of my feelings.... 谢谢你没把我推开.. every single word you say to me.. i remembers it , i won't forget it, even tho they may not be true... its like the only thing that can make me feel happy . its gives me this source of happiness that you cannot give it to me directly..  当她打给你时，你为什么要讲话讲到这样小声？ you're speakin canto w her... which is a language i won't understand.. because of you , I'm trying to learn this language. in hope i can converse w you w it.. but i think i like Chinese better. 因为chinese 是让我们跟接近彼此的原因。

Wednesday 11 November 2015

当一个女孩说她再也不理你了，不是真的讨厌你，而是，她非常非常的在乎你...

i realised that I'm always thinking abt you... not just always, but I'm thinking abt you even more than before...  i can't control my feelings anymore. idk how to stop . i can't stop. i dream about us , i dreamt abt you and her... i dreamt abt the three of us. and its very scary how we three can all be in the same dream.. I'm really sorry that i came into your life and changed it ... if only we kept our distance back then.. perhaps i won't have fell so hard for you ...

你记得吗？ 我说过的那些话..你有用真心去读吗？ 我说过了，以后就不会有我烦你了... 总有天你会离开我，或者我会选择离开这里。可是我是不会不要你的。 因为你是我最想留下的小幸运。如果有缘，我们会再见到彼此。你却说了：如果没缘就不会认识彼此。 which is true, without fate, i wont have met you . i wouldnt have like you. i wouldnt have stay so long. i may not know whad you truly feel abt me, but i know my feelings for you keeps getting stronger everyday... you know all three of us are gonna be hurt real bad one day... its either me or her... if this is the case, sometimes i just want to give up . and wish you will stay w her, because... if she really cherish you, she won't want to lose you either..  its okay for me to be sad alone. its okay cause I'm the third person here. but then you came telling me words that makes me heart skips a beat. it makes me heart beat even faster... 如果全世界我也可以放弃，至少还有你值得我去珍惜...  你说过的话，我能当真吗？ 我多希望我可以啊，明知道是在欺骗自己，可是还愿意傻傻地去爱着你。

they told me not to give up , they told me to fight for my own happiness... and i will. i will fight for it.  however, i will not fight w her.. i want you to choose who you want to stay. its okay if you choose her cause im just someone you came across in 2015... but if you choose me, ill definitely be happier.. 我们不要说再见，因为我会很舍不得你.. you told me this : 你不可以离开我 but do you really mean whad you say ? i want to stay in your life. i want to be apart of it, but i know very well that i can't be there until someone else leave. you can't keep both of us... 反正地球是圆的，我们以后还会遇到彼此。可能现在不是时候吧，

原来我已经不知不觉地喜欢上你了.我向流星许愿，希望你的愿望里也会有我...即使知道只有她可以陪你和给你快乐... 我真的喜欢上一个大傻瓜了..

Saturday 7 November 2015

maybe its time to bid goodbye soon ? sighs .. its not gonna be easy. i promise you, when I'm ready to leave. you won't be able to find me again. i will leave from your life completely.. i won't return . maybe ill pop up somewhere to look at you.. but you will never see me again in your life. I'm grateful for the moments we once shared, and ill cherish it forever. you changed my life. you are my everything, but I'm not yours. I'm really thankful for being able to meet you this year. you made my 2015 a meaningful one. thanks to you , i managed to try something i never thought ill ever try ; being in love w someone that i know i can never call mine. "  The most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt by the heart. "  you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me, despite your flaws and everything. even tho i hate the fact you smokes, but you're still the most beautiful thing i ever seen. without you,  i wonder whad kind of person ill be... who will i be ? how different will i be from who i am now....



 21 years ago , i was never apart of your life. you never knew i existed, i never knew you existed. we were all happy w our lives. but this year, 2015. we met. 你说如果没缘就不会认识了，你说得对。我有机会认识到你是我的福气，因为你是我的小幸运。你是我最想留住的小幸运。 我知道要和你告别是迟早的事，可是我希望我不用和你说再见，因为我会恨舍不得恨舍不得你。 :( 可是我还是要还你你以前的生活，那是你没有我在，你不会因为我而烦恼，因为我的存在，造成了你的麻烦，对不起.... 我也不想的，我会尽快离开你身边，你也可以过回你以前的生活。过回你和她幸福快乐的日子，你要好好珍惜她，因为她也很爱你。

Sunday 1 November 2015

I'm on the verge of breaking down. every piece of me is crashing down. i am lost. whad can i do now . i took the wrong move of liking you even more, thinking that it will be safe,,, but I'm so wrong. i shouldn't have let my feelings controlled me. i made a terrible mess for both our lives. you and i both know that she knows. but why wouldn't you tell me ? why ? everyday passes . i get more and more confused each day. all i know is that i fell in love w someone i shouldn't have and now its too late to turn back. at first i thought that it would just be me... but then i think i dragged you down w me now too.

that day,, that dream,, it seemed so real . i am scared. i don't think i will feel good too if that really happened. i am happy for you two. but at the same time, I'm jealous. i know there won't be a ' us ' but i just can't help myself... everyone is telling me i am gonna get burned badly by this fire. but i still wanted to go near to it, this fire gave me warmth and comfort. this fire was the only way of keeping me alive. but at the same time it was burning me alive.

i really really like you a lot, i can't stop myself. if i have to say goodbye, i need to leave everything behind. i need to learn how to walk away and never turn back. but i just can't. i know that I'm always waiting for that small glimmer of hope to happen. and sometime when it does, i feel comforted and at ease.  i can't say much to anyone cause it is after all my fault for being the third one . i never thought i would ended up as one even. i believe that everything happened for a reason. and fate does exist. we met for a reason, but i just don't know whad is that reason now.

i know i need to say goodbye. i know i have to, but i don't know how. i can only think of running away from the situation , but that is such a cowardly way. i don't want to be erased from your life completely too. neither will i erased you from mine. I'm grateful and thankful for every moment i ever spent w you. it was the best memories made.  you made my 2015 a wonderful and colourful year.  i will never regret the moment we spent together, i will never forget you. no matter where i am in the future or where you are. i will still be thinking about you . all the memories we created.... i wish i met you before her, if there is a next time , i will still choose you.